Bros Before Hos
by Vercingetorix1234
Summary: Souji's got a free spot in his social link schedule, so the girls are in a free-for-all for who gets to take him out. Originally written about a year ago for the Persona 4 kink meme.


In retrospect, Souji should have waited until they were alone to tell Yosuke that he was free. The moment he mentioned it after class, Yukiko, who he could have sworn wasn't paying attention, immediately came up to him.

"You're not doing anything right now, then? You just have to try some of my latest dish, everyone at the inn said it's the best thing I've cooked yet!" Yukiko looked up at him eagerly. God, Souji hated that look.

Yukiko probably didn't realize how hard it was to say no to her when her dark eyes were that wide. And the hurt expression, her eyes focused downwards, that she always made when he did manage to say no never failed to make him feel like a right bastard.

There was simply no winning against that look, making it almost as deadly as Nanako's "Please, big bro" look, which made it impossible for Souji to even want to be able to say no. Oh well, there was no point in putting it off.

"Actually, I-" Souji began to object when Chie cut him off.

"Wait, don't you remember what we talked about at lunch? Kung Fu Hustle 2 just came out and we have to watch it!" Chie looked at him pleadingly.

Now, Souji was no kung fu film fanatic, but he knew no one would dare attempt a sequel to that gem and what Chie had actually said during lunch was that she had something important to tell him. Two plus two makes five and Chie had some secret she needed to share that she wouldn't even tell Yukiko. Chie really could look adorable sometimes, couldn't she? Souji could already imagine the disappointed expression she would make after he said no, as if to say "of course you wouldn't want to talk to a tomboy like me, I'm just worthless aren't I?" Wow, he really couldn't say no to anyone, could he? No wonder he had three girlfriends and willingly ate Yukiko's cooking on a regular basis. Still, Souji was the leader for a reason. He would rise to the occasion, and he would say no.

"Actually, I-"

"Oh, I don't mind going to the movies too, Chie. And then you can both try my cooking!" Yukiko had seemed a bit miffed when Chie seemed to be competing with her, but now she looked awfully pleased with herself for figuring out a way to resolve the situation. She really could be dense sometimes, but it was endearing, really...and Souji stopped that train of thought before it would lead to a fourth girlfriend.

"Y-yeah, that would be just great." Chie stammered, not convincing anyone but Yukiko.

"I'm just surprised that you have free time today, Souji-kun. Your schedule usually seems jam-packed. You even have days reserved for the fox in your planner, don't you?" Yukiko said.

"Senpai, you're free today? Let's go out!" Rise, who had apparently chosen this day of all days to seek him out, entered the room at exactly the wrong time.

"Actually, Souji-kun's going with us to the movies." Yukiko explained.

"What she said!" Chie followed up a bit too quickly.

The last piece fell into place in Souji's mind. Oh no. Chie liked him, she was probably going to confess to him, and he wouldn't be able to say no, and then he'd have a fourth girlfriend and then he'd have to make sure none of them talked to each other about it and it was bad enough before with only 3! = 6 combinations but now it would be 4! = 24 combinations and Souji's hair would have turned gray if it wasn't like that already.

"What?! Senpai, wouldn't you rather hang out with me? I was looking forward to spending time with you at your place." Rise leaned in towards him and whispered the last part. She shouldn't have bothered, his blush gave it away anyway.

"What're you saying?! Why would he go shopping with you when he can go watch Kung Fu Hustle 2 with us? Which one do you think has more Bruce Lee?" Chie objected.

"I agree, Souji-kun has already made his choice." Yukiko's eyes were narrowed, a look Souji had never seen on her face before. Another piece fell into place. 5! = 120. Well, at least he could hide behind Nanako when the shit hit the fan. None of his girlfriends would kill him then.

"I think Souji can have a far more exciting time with me than watching some kung fu movie." Rise purred, batting her eyelashes at Souji. Damn those eyelashes and her cute voice! Leader or no, Souji was a mere man, a weak, easily broken man. Still, some calls of duty were greater even than a teenage boy's chance at getting laid.

"Actually, I-"

"What is the problem here?" Naoto asked as she entered the room.

Seriously, Souji should have left already, everyone else had and what kind of loser hangs out at school after school's over? Oh right, he did, signing up for everything like an idiot and then not having the balls to quit later. He really had no one to blame but himself. But at least Naoto would point out the ridiculousness or, as she would probably say, the frivolousness, of this situation and give him a chance to escape, right?

"Senpai's going out with me today!"

"No, he already said he's going to see Kung Fu Hustle 2 with me!"

Chie and Rise started arguing again, and Naoto watched them with a raised eyebrow. Naoto really was a bro among girls, she could be counted on to be cool about this. She would be probably a lot easier to get along with than most girls on dates and whoa, Seta gave a small sigh of relief at having caught himself before 6! became a real possibility. No, wait, the calculations were off. He hadn't noticed before because he hadn't needed to go out of his way to keep Ai, Yumi, and Rise from talking to one another, but it should actually be n(n-1)/2, not n!, which would give ten relationships he had to monitor if he ended up with five girlfriends. Definitely manageable. Definitely.

"Actually, senpai has something far more important to do, namely investigating something with me." Naoto's voice cut off his internal monologue of slightly hysterical laughter, replacing it with dread. And he'd thought Naoto would help him resolve this situation. No, of course it wouldn't be that easy.

"Oh yeah, well senpai has something more interesting to investigate with me if you know what I mean." Rise said unabashedly, looping her arm in Souji's to assert dominance. Naoto's cheeks colored slightly.

"Souji-kun already promised to watch Kung Fu Hustle 2!"

"I don't think that's even a real movie!"

"Actually, I-"

"He's going to eat my cooking!"

"Yeah, well he's going to eat my-"

"Regardless, you all were able to spend time with him this whole year and we have something important to do, and I'm going out with him today and you'd all better do what I say since I have a gun and I know how to hide evidence!" Naoto's cheeks were even redder than before and her voice broke out of her masculine facade when she said "going out."

Oh God, Souji realized that even if 6*5/2 only equals 15, definitely manageable (shut up Izanagi!), there was no way Souji could prevent Yukiko and Chie from talking to each other. Well, he could always avoid Chie every time she tried to confess, right? Didn't that totally work out in The Girl who Leapt Through Time? Granted, he didn't have a time machine but a couple broken bones after jumping off the school's roof would accomplish the same thing, really.

There was a brief pause in the argument as the girls considered Naoto's threat and then continued.

"I have an idea." Rise said. "We should each give senpai a kiss and whoever he says is best gets to spend the day with him."

"What?!"

"Um, not that I'd mind, but it would start rumors and..."

"Actually, I-oh, what's the use?" Souji got up and left. It's not like they'd been paying him enough attention to notice, anyway.

"Public displays of affection are clearly in violation of school policy. We absolutely cannot." Naoto objected.

"What's the matter, Naoto, Chie? Afraid you're not feminine enough for senpai? And how about you, Yukiko? Is cooking not the only thing you're bad at?"

"This is clearly a poorly-veiled, childish attempt to manipulate us into a competition that you clearly have the best chance at winning-"

"Bawk bawk bawk."

"Oh, it is on."

* * *

Souji met up with Yosuke in the hall outside the classroom. Yosuke gave him a look of disgust.

"Seriously, what is it about you that makes you such a chick magnet? Chie, Yukiko, Risette, and even Naoto? I might as well just settle for Kashiwagi." Yosuke rubbed his nose and took several deep breaths. Souji patted him on the back.

"Believe me, partner, it's not worth it."

"Partner, you're my best friend, but if you don't shut up we're going to have a repeat of that fight, ok?"

"Alright, alright."

The two walked to Kanji's house together and within minutes the three of them were on Kanji's couch playing Modern Warfare 2. Souji sighed a sigh of blissful contentment as he blew off a Russian's head. This was one thing he'd missed during his months in Inaba. The mindless violence, the 12-year-olds describing all the ways they had made love to his mother, 50 different shades of brown, and no girlfriends potentially hanging him from the school's flag pole naked.

"You know, girls are overrated. I'd rather noob tube any day."

"You know it, bro." Souji and Kanji brofisted as Yosuke hit his controller with his face, with the unfortunate effect of causing his avatar to teabag one of Souji's bodies, sparking countless yaoi fanfics written by underage girls. But that's a story for another day.

* * *

Meanwhile, having finally reached an agreement, the girls realized that Souji had left. They checked the usual club meeting places and Souji's house before checking Yosuke's house. According to Teddie, sensei was "scoring with Yosuke and Kanji." They decided to help themselves to Yosuke's refrigerator contents while they decided what to do.

"So what now?" Chie asked.

"Well, we could always compete over senpai's next free slot."

"I fail to see how we can do that when senpai's not here."

"Well, Teddie could be the judge." Yukiko suggested.

The girls' eyes all turned towards Teddie.

"Well, hello. Do you want to score with me?" Teddie sparkled.

And, for once, the answer was yes.


End file.
